That season’s come around again, when only the very depths of our life-giving lake are frozen. It’s time…to swim! Oh yeah! So it must be time to get our bodies BEACH READY! Of course, the milky sightless eyes of our cavebrodders won’t see the work we’ve put in, but we’ll know, as we bask on the silent mica, finger webs trailing in the water so nutritious and vitamin rich with the cauls and bones of our every ancestor, that we. look. hot.
We’ve scrubbed the dead winter flakes from our grub skin by exfoliating our bodies against the sharp rock walls, we’ve cut off all the unsightly tumors of the cold season, we have buffed and polished in the Pool of the Mother, sulfur, ichor and natural uranium deposits giving us that translucent glow.

And let’s be honest. We’re not doing it for our cavebrodders. We’re not even really doing it for ourselves. We’re doing it…for the surface dwellers. So that when they inevitably make their way through our stalagmite maze, under the Pit Of Sloughing and behind the Falls of Eternal Blood (tip: another great place to put a little pep in your step, if you’re anemic or lacking in iron from never eating a fresh vegetable ever), the first thing they see will be you at your very best. Looking how we all want to look.
Like a wet spiky maggot.

Girl? You got this.

Visit Elizabeth Vargas’s Blog:  Eat Pie Not War