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“You know that old question, if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? (They forgot the birds and squirrels, but never mind that.) Well, a joke or insight that nobody reads or hears is kind of in the same boat. (How many jokes and insights fit in a boat? Does it depend on the size of the boat? Or the depth of the insights? Again, never mind.)

I’m even willing to tell some secrets here, like why does Preisczech have such an unusual name, and why does he think people in supermarkets are making fun of him? To readers, this either seems instantly hilarious or completely pointless. (If enough people ask me and send two box tops, I might tell you.) That’s all–hope to hear from you soon!” Thus spoke the Walrus.

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